How does it feel to have sex with your spouse on your wedding night when he/she is a stranger?

I was almost raped on my wedding night.

-Answer By a Victim who decided to change the fate.

I am sure it may not be this way for all weddings out there. I am not even saying that this is the case for many weddings. But yes, if you are getting into this, you should always know that this is a possibility that you cannot ignore, and which no one would ever tell you.

I hail from a typical middle class background, from a not-so-big town in (South) India, and after I turned 22, everyone around me was worried that now is the time for me to get married otherwise I would never get married/ bring shame to my family/ marry after my younger siblings get married/ run off with someone (yes, they said all these things in front of me!) so, yes, I needed to be married off to someone, who was not my boyfriend.

Now, there’s a culture in South India, if a family doesn’t have a lot of money — girls are married to their cousins/ mother’s brother, where the age difference is not too much (say the mother was the eldest daughter, and brother was the youngest, with a huge age gap). This way, a girl stays ‘within the family’, and also there is no question of dowry, since they are family.

Similar to this, my wedding was arranged right after I graduated from college, to my “mama” (mother’s brother) who was a few years older than me. My case was complicated because I had a boyfriend already, and my family didn’t approve of him when I told them about him (he was not South Indian, which was a mortal sin in my parents’ eyes). I tried to protest, but using the usual emotional blackmail arguments, my father forced me into the marriage – he was very sick at the time, and the onus was on me to “fulfill his wishes.” (He’s very much fine now, but I am inclined to think he’ll fall sick again when it’s my younger sister’s turn to get married. Indian parents force you to think this stuff about themselves).

I was forced to break off all contact with my boyfriend (mobile, internet snatched away, I don’t think I could even have sent a letter, it was so bad) and forced to dive head-first into the wedding arrangements.

The day of the wedding came, and after a really embarrassing lecture from my mother, about my “marital duties” since I was the eldest daughter and no friends had been allowed to my wedding (my parents believed they would whisk me away from the wedding if they came to know), I got ready for the “wedding night.” I was already feeling completely shitty about the whole thing, having been cut off from every person that I wanted to be with, being married to my ‘mama‘ in secrecy, and not even knowing whether to think of him as a husband or my mama, and  just wanted to sleep hoping a new day would bring a new start.

I waited for my husband to come and when he entered, we exchanged a few awkward sentences about the whole day being tiresome. I then told him “I’m feeling very tired, I will change and go to sleep now” but I was not prepared for what happened next. He suddenly kissed me, and I was a little taken aback, but I just pulled away slowly, and told him that I was not in the mood, and reiterated that I was very tired. He ignored me completely, and kissed me again, this time with more force, and when I tried to push him away, he slapped me.

This was followed by the most horrible experience of my life, the details of which shake me to this day, and I somehow escaped by locking myself in the bathroom.

I knew I had nobody to turn to — he was my mother’s brother, and my father was sick. Even if these were not the circumstances, I doubt anyone would have supported me.

I stayed in this abusive marriage for a few months, which was the darkest period of my life. Thankfully, I was not foolish, and I had a job to support myself, unlike a lot of other women out there, suffering daily. I ran away, before it was too late. Now, nobody in my family knows where I am, and what happened. I am sure they must say the worst things about me, and mention my name with disgust and shame. But this is one decision that I made with careful deliberation and I will not let myself regret it. I am considerably happier now, very much single, with no intention of getting married again.

I am happy to have put this behind me, but want to extend my support for all those women who are in the same situation as I was. One experience is enough to scar you for life.

EDIT:
The memories are still fresh, and will take time to fade away, but it will.

In any case, this prompted me to contact my sister, and I finally did talk to her. I pretty much expected what would happen, but I finally confirmed that my parents hate me, and somehow this is after knowing what had happened.”My ‘husband” complained to them that I wouldn’t put out, and was a “disobedient and unfaithful wife,” and some synonyms of “whore.” My sister is suffering at home, but she’s doing well otherwise. I have arranged for her to meet me, and we’ll see where it goes. I hope everything will become all right.

EDIT 2:

I urge people to change their views about women and morality, respect and rape.  I hope people change their thinking.

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